LADY: My Life as a Bitch
Melvin Burgess
HarperTempest
Fiction
ISBN: 0060540338
272 pages

Sandra Francy has not been acting like herself lately --- not in the least. The 17-year-old girl from Manchester, England has ignored her schoolwork, family and friends --- all for the sake of a good time. Now Sandra has a new crowd of "friends", is doing drugs, and is fooling around with boys. She is undoubtedly taking her social life to a dangerous extreme.

One day, during one of her escapades, Sandra runs into (literally) a homeless alcoholic. Upset by the fact that he touched her, she and her boyfriend-of-the-moment Wayne start telling the man off. In the heat of the moment, Sandra knocks the homeless man's can of Special Brew out of his hand. Furious, the man yells at her and chases her down the road and into an alleyway. Just when Sandra thinks the worst is going to happen, the man backs off and is thoroughly frightened.

Sandra runs home to tell her mum and brother about the incident, but her mum starts screaming and says that a crazy dog is in the house. Thinking that the dog is trying to attack her, Sandra seeks her brother Adam's help. Adam ignores her and slams the bedroom door in her face. She becomes angry and locks herself in her room to try to get away from the canine offender.

But when Sandra looks into her bedroom mirror, she quickly discovers that she is the dog! She manages to escape from her house and roams the streets looking for a place to hide. While in an abandoned shed, Sandra reflects upon her life as a girl and her new canine existence. She is soon visited by two dogs, Fella and Mitch, who have been transformed as well.

Sandra finds out that the alcoholic's name is Terry and that he was the one who turned her into a dog. In fact she learns that he has been turning people into dogs since childhood --- all because of his temper. Desperate for human companionship, Sandra seeks out Terry. He is unnerved at first, but quickly shows Sandra a way of life on the streets.

Lady, as Sandra is now called, is at first happy with her new life. But as Lady reflects on her old life, she becomes restless. Will she be a girl again, or will she forever be this four-legged creature?

Unfortunately, LADY was not my cup of tea. With its sexual innuendoes and crude attempts at mature humor, Sandra's soul-searching narratives concerning her past regrets and her family become meaningless. I strongly recommend that only a mature audience read this book. If you're interested in reading a book by Melvin Burgess, you should pick up a copy of BILLY ELLIOT --- it's meaningful and amusing.

   --- Reviewed by Sarah Sawtelle (SdarksideG@aol.com)

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