CONFESSIONS OF A NOT IT GIRL
Melissa Kantor
Hyperion Books for Children
Fiction
ISBN: 0786818379
256 pages

Jan (say "Yahn") has decided she's in love with Josh, although she started out calling him a loser. Hindrances block true love's way: Her previous crush is chasing her, she can't quite TALK to Josh, he keeps referring to another girl, and he tries to hook her up with his loser cousin. Worst of all, is he even remotely interested in Jan? As she struggles with the basics of romance, her best friend Rebecca (recently named one of CHIC magazine's New York "IT" Girls) smoothly hooks up with a gorgeous older man … wouldn't you just know it?

Jan's hardships don't end with the Josh conundrum. Her parents are irritating, her butt is enormous, and college application deadlines are zooming up. To escape from her many tragedies, Jan dreams up little one-act scenes, usually involving Josh declaring his undying love for her while her hair looks perfect (for once).

The plot of this book isn't startlingly original, but the delivery is absolutely priceless. At the beginning of CONFESSIONS OF A NOT IT GIRL, after laughing approximately ten times a page, I decided to keep track of my favorite funny bits. By page 18, I had writer's cramp. Should I mention how Jan, acting out with Josh a scene from Romeo and Juliet in English class, opens her mouth, puckers her lips, and waits for a real kiss (Romeo doesn't kiss her)? Or should it be her struggle to find the perfect outfit to baby-sit Josh's sibling? "With only forty-nine hours to put together an outfit that said both 'I am a responsible baby-sitter who will not abandon your child to pursue pleasures of the flesh' and 'I am a sexual dynamo,' I headed upstairs to evaluate my options." Or maybe I should go with Jan's description of her hair: exactly like the Great Pyramid at Giza. Or...

No. Really. Must. Stop. Now.

I laughed so often and so hard that folks in my reading vicinity exhibited alarm for my mental health: "Honey? Can I get you something? Like a drink of water? Or a psychiatrist?" Suffice to say, this is the funniest book I've read in ages. Totally enjoyable!

   --- Reviewed by Terry Miller Shannon (terryms2001@yahoo.com)

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